


let me fall but catch me before i hit the ground

by SavageDemonDog



Category: Avengers, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: And Hates Maria, Angst, Author Is Not Religious, BAMF Maria Hill, BAMF Natasha Romanov, BAMF everyone, Clint Barton Is A Good Bro But Also A Fucking Tease, Comments And Kudos Very Appreciated, Drabble Collection, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, How Do I Tag, Humor, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I’ll update the tags as I go, Liho Is A Diabolical Goblin Child, Maria Hill Feels, Maria Hill is not a Robot, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, No Smut, Nobody’s Stopping Me, Not Abandoned, Occasionally Angst, One Shot Collection, Protective Maria Hill, Protective Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers is confused, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, The Author is Sleep Deprived, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trying To Get As Many Tags As Possible, Yes I Will Occasionally Re-Do The Tags, drabbles and dribbles, one shots, otp, prompts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:41:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 14,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26315836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SavageDemonDog/pseuds/SavageDemonDog
Summary: a bunch of Blackhill drabbles.(Send me an e-mail! Even if it’s just a simple “hi”. SavageDemonDog@hotmail.com)
Relationships: Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 51
Kudos: 168





	1. The Last of Cookies

“you sure that’s the last one?” Maria eyes her as she rolls the last cookie between her index finger and thumb.

“mhm.” Natasha focuses her eyes on the Commander, who is sitting on the table in front of her. 

she slowly pulls the cookie out of sight.

within a few seconds, Natasha is standing on the table, hand with cookie outstretched towards Maria, who attempts to launch at it.

Natasha pulls the cookie away and spins around.

she stretches her arm out again and Maria grabs her wrist, turning around to throw Natasha over her shoulder.

the air is pushed out of Natasha’s lungs as she smacks on the floor, guarding the cookie with her body.

Maria kneels down and tries to unwrap Natasha’s hands.

a snapping sound follows, and they both freeze, staring at each other.

Natasha slowly opens her hand and reveals the cookie, broken in two pieces.

she slowly moves a hand with one half towards Maria, who gladly accepts it. 

Maria sits down and crosses her legs.

“i think i can share, even though it’s my cookie.” Natasha takes a bite.

“you wish.” Maria huffs.

“i’m seriously gonna sue you.”


	2. Coffee and a donut

“and here’s the canteen. wait a second please.”

Steve watches Natasha disappear in the crowd of lunching agents before looking around the enormous common room of the S.H.I.E.L.D. Headquarters. 

Agent Romanoff was assigned to show him around, and she didn’t seem very happy about it. neither was he, because he could think of millions of other, more fun ways to spend his afternoon. but Fury thought this was important. 

Natasha returns with a paper cup of coffee and a donut. 

“thanks.” Steve tries to grab it out her hands but she pulls it away. 

“that’s not for you.” she says, and begins to walk away.

Steve makes a confused expression but she doesn’t see it. he follows her.

the climb some stairs, up to one of the highest levels until Natasha stops and pushes a door open with her elbow. 

Steve just stands in the door opening as Natasha walks up to the woman behind the desk, who is bowed over paperwork.

she puts the coffee and donut down on the desk and looks over the woman’s shoulder to see what she’s doing.

“Thanks, Romanoff.” the woman says without looking at the agent.

“you are the worst.” Natasha says, laying one hand on the paperwork to the distract the woman.

“what?”

“i bring you coffee AND a donut, and all you say is: “thanks, Romanoff.”?”

“Fine.” the woman shoves her chair back and pushes herself up a little to give Natasha a kiss on her mouth.

“now that’s what i’m talking about.”

the woman falls back in her chair and focuses on her paperwork, but is distracted by Natasha leaning down to kiss the crook of her neck.

“you brought me food and i’m very grateful now let me work.”

“you’re a workaholic, you know that? you should take a break so we can go on vacation somewhere nice.”

“in your dreams, now get out of my office.” 

“to be continued. also, this is Captain Steve Rogers. i’m showing him around the building. Steve, this is Commander Maria Hill, Fury’s right hand. unfortunately for me, i’m stuck in a relationship with her.”

Natasha grins when Maria shoots her a glare. “Hi Rogers, Tasha, i warn you.” 

“ok bye babe.” Natasha pulls a still confused Steve away from the door, and continues showing him around.


	3. i’m done

“ok, i’m done.” Maria barges through the door, disturbing the Avengers.

“you are what?” Tony asks. 

“i am done with having to clean up YOUR messes EVERY TIME. i am done with being arrested, interrogated and then locked away in a cell by the police. i’m tired of having to give interviews to the media, or having to say sorry to the Council for everything YOU have done and i’m definitely done with having to deal with all the mad citizens whose properties you have destroyed.”

Steve and Tony look at each other, as do Clint and Natasha. Thor shrugs and Bruce looks uncomfortable.

“fair enough. go on.” Tony says, nodding.

“i didn’t sign up for this job to babysit you and i sure as hell didn’t sign up to just take responsibility for your actions. you are at least HALF of the reason S.H.I.E.L.D. is considered irresponsible and dangerous. your dangerous behavior has cost at least a hundred lives and S.H.I.E.L.D. is held responsible! we keep getting sued and even Tony’s army of lawyers can’t do anything about it! do you know how many phone calls i get every day of people who lost their home, their family or their work?”

“no.” Steve is staring down at the floor now.

“thousands! im getting mad of the constant ringing of the phone! the majority of day i spend on the phone, talking to people who are sad, angry and desperate. people who are yelling at me, or crying, and you spend your day ruining city’s, or just, sitting on your ass!”

“we’re sorry.” Natasha says.

“yes you should be!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m pretty sure she’s the one to clean up their messes everytime, and she never really complained about it.
> 
> i can fix that.


	4. “I’m too hot, hot damn.”

it’s already late when Maria comes home to find Natasha singing and dancing to loud music in the living room. 

she’s standing on the table, holding a spoon and using it as a microphone.

Maria drops her bag on the table, next to Natasha’s feet. she’s exhausted, and very annoyed by her girlfriend singing along to the music, which is not her genre anyways.

instead of welcoming her home, Natasha screams along to the lyrics. “I’M TOO HOT!!!”

then she points to Maria, who exhales in a long sigh and says in a deadpan expression and a monotonous tone: “hot damn.”

“CALL THE POLICE AND THE FIREMEN!!!!”

Maria drops on the couch as she watches Natasha dance and yell like someone dropped ten energy drinks in her coffee today. she made a mental note to ask Clint if this exact thing happened. this was going to be a long night.


	5. “i think you just... fell for me.”

last night was exhausting, and Maria’s mind was still cloudy. a numb feeling had taken over her body as soon as she dropped herself on her bed, and the meager four hours of sleep couldn’t push it away. 

she was sure she was pale, but she didn’t mind and she hoped her colleagues didn’t either.

she walked down one of the long, LONG hallways, not noticing the small stairs you need to walk down to get to the control panel. 

she stumbles, and would’ve fell face flat on the ground if a pair of arms wouldn’t have grabbed her around her waist to catch her.

“Commander.”

“Agent Romanoff.”

“I think you just... fell for me.” Natasha smiled.

what the hell.

“Put me down, Romanoff.” Maria ordered.

“okay.” but instead of putting her down, the agent pulled her up.

“watch out the next time, because i can’t promise i can always catch you.” Natasha chuckles.

but l’ll try.


	6. Post-Endgame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yes, this was definitely meant to be a serious writing piece but my braincell fucked up ig

Maria never knew that your heart could break.

or well, it can’t, but it certainly feels like it.

a first tear trickles down her cheek, and another one... and another one....

Clint just stares at her, unable to hide his own emotions, and soon enough both their faces are streaked with tears.

“i’m sorry.... i’m sorry.” he whispers, voice shaky.

he starts repeating these words, louder and faster.

“i’m sorry.. i’m sorry.. i’m sorry.. i’m sorry..”

sobs can be heard in his voice, and Maria can’t handle it no longer.

she storms out of the room, face streaked with tears. 

Clint decides not to go after her, and that’s for the better.

Sam enters the room, holding a cup of Starbucks coffee.

one look at Clint’s face is enough for him to go like: “did i miss something?”


	7. Movie night

Natasha enjoys the warmth of the body she’s leaning against.

Maria had fallen asleep halfway through the movie, which meant she was watching The Force Awakens on her own now, laying on the couch with her head in the sleeping Maria’s lap.

sometimes she could hear soft snoring coming from her girlfriend, and she had to do her best not to chuckle. it was absolutely adorable. 

Natasha eats until the popcorn box is all empty, her fingers sticky and with little pieces of popcorn stuck between her teeth. the theme music of the movie starts playing, and she closes her eyes, drifting off to sleep.

everything was good now.


	8. Avengers V: Storm of Cats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is this more popular then the works i actually do my best for?

“a cat, Natasha? seriously?” Maria is standing in the doorway, arms crossed. 

Natasha, holding the little black devil, puts on her most innocent face.

“she was all on her own in Little Ukraine!” she lifts the cat up until it can look Maria in the eyes. “look at her!”

Maria stares at the animal for a second, and then relaxes. “fine, this one we’ll keep, but i swear if you bring any more cats home...” 

the sound of a breaking vase is heard, followed by paws on the stairs. 

Maria looks at Natasha before opening the door.

“Natasha, how many cats where all on their own in Little Ukraine?”

before Natasha can say something, a storm of cats comes running through the door, causing Maria to stumble backwards in surprise. “wha-“ she lands on the floor.

Natasha sits down too, grabbing some of the cats to hug with.

“look, this is Liho, and this one i named...” Natasha starts giving all the cats names, but Maria doesn’t listen. 

she can feel anger boiling up.

“Natalia Alianovna Romanova, you are sleeping on the couch tonight.”


	9. Birthday Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for some reason, these drabble things do well. so here a long one.

Natasha and the other kids on the party where seated around a circular table, with an enormous birthday cake in the middle.

the 9-year olds eyed the pink thing hungrily as they waited for an adult to return with the plates and cutlery. the even pinker candle saying “10” wasn’t lit yet, and the presents that where mostly held under the table where still perfectly wrapped up, ribbon and all. 

the birthday girl’s mother returned, plates balancing dangerously on her wrists. 

while they impatiently waited for a piece of cake, the girls where just talking with eachother, giggling and chuckling and making way too much noise for Natasha’s liking. she just eyed around the table. none of the girls she really knew, and she didn’t feel like getting to know them. they didn’t come from her school. the birthday girl was a niece of hers, Katherine. they didn’t really interact, and Natasha suspected Katherines mother for insisting they’d invite her. 

Katherine was wearing a pink dress, covered in sequins and bows, pink ribbons weaved through her blonde hair and a unicorn necklace around that thin neck of hers. Natasha wasn’t really a fan of pink. she had chosen to wear a simple black hoodie instead. she stared at the girls one by one, digging through their emotions and such, until one girl in particular stood out. she kept quiet, rarely talking to anyone and playing with a pen she had found. click, click. it started to get annoying, but Natasha didn’t really mind. there was something about that girl, Natasha thought. she wasn’t sure what it was. it didn’t take long for the girl to notice the redheaded girl staring at her. she looked up, disturbed. 

their magical moment of eye contact was broken by Katherine’s mom, grabbing a huge knife and cutting straight into the cake. apparently, they had already lit the candle. the rest of the girls started singing Happy Birthday, and Natasha just hummed along, trying to catch the gaze of this girl again. she seems focused on her pen, making clicking noises with it along to the song’s beat. 

the girls finish singing, and Katherine’s mom says it’s time for the presents. Katherine eyes the presents that are being placed on the table and chooses her best friend, Brianna, to go first. Brianna gives her the present and watches while she rips off the wrapping paper. Natasha doesn’t really pay attention, until she hears Katherine say: “Maria.” and the girl on the other side of the table sets herself in motion. 

Natasha studies the way she carries herself, how she keeps her head slightly bowed and her mouth shut. “thank you!” Katherine exclaims as Maria places a present in front of her. Maria just nods. Natasha’s eyes follow the girl back to her seat. “Natasha.” she stood up, grabbing her present and walking over to Katherine, causing Maria to notice her again. Natasha now gets a better hold of her gaze, and she notices how pretty Maria’s eyes actually are.

“Hey.” she says as soon as she dropped onto her seat again. 

“Hi.” Maria answers. 

piercing eyes, burning gaze..

where do those thoughts come from? Natasha internally shrugs. 

Maria averts her gaze again. focusing on her pen.

this was gonna be a fun day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on Tumblr! 
> 
> happilyeverafterfantasybooks


	10. “Smooth, Romanoff.”

Maria Hill strode down the hallways fast, Natasha Romanoff in tow. the Deputy Director and the former Russian spy where discussing one of the most recent missions that had gone south, involving a few blown covers, one bottle of whiskey, or maybe more, and a very disappointed Director Fury. Maria could surely think of a million better things to do then being pissed at Romanoff, because accidents happen, but Fury had simply left her with the dirty work. damnit. it wasn’t that she didn’t like the redhead, no, quite the opposite. she might like her a little too much. Maria is still talking as the pass the labs, so focused on her own words that she didn’t notice the door flying open, neither the small robot, rolling right onto her path. Maria stumbles but Natasha manages to catch her and turns her around to plant a quick kiss on her lips. Maria gives in for a second before pulling away.

“smooth, Romanoff.”


	11. Infinity War... but felinized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I just invent a new word? Felinized... felinized..

Natasha can do nothing but smile at and slip her phone out to take a picture of the scene developing before her eyes.

Liho had jumped on the counter and was now stretching out her neck, intensely staring at Maria. the latter had noticed her and was staring just as hard back.

Liho tensed her muscles, ready to jump at any moment, and Maria stood perfectly still. Natasha was studying the picture she had taken, sending it to her friends with the description “staring contest between pet and girlfriend🤣”

within seconds, her phone buzzed, distracting Maria. Liho took her chance and jumped, causing Maria to stumble backwards with on “ow!” in surprise.

Natasha looked at the message while her girlfriend tried to fight the cat off, who was biting and scratching ferociously at Maria’s exposed neck.

Tony: _who’s the pet and who’s the girlfriend?_ 😂

Natasha: _they are both gonna kill you for this as soon as they finished killing each other_ 😉

Maria had grabbed the cat and send her flying across the room. Liho had recovered quickly and was already launching at the Deputy Director again.

“are we gonna order take out food or what?” Natasha dared to interrupt.

“how about we slaughter this monster and make a nice hamburger out of it?” Maria asked between clenched teeth, kicking a hissing Liho.

Natasha decides it’s enough when Liho clenches herself to Maria’s leg, driving her nails into her flesh.

“ok, Liho. enough.” she pulls the cat off her girlfriends leg, the latter wiping a strand of her out of her face.

“i am not sleeping couch tonight with that creature in the same room.”

“no worries, you are not sleeping couch tonight.” Natasha grinned.


	12. Late night texts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: swearing. please don’t read if that’s something you are uncomfortable with.

a text message comes in and her phone buzzes. Maria groans as the screen lights up right in her face, rising an arm to protect her eyes.

Natasha: _You know, i’ve always wondered how tall people like you sleep. i mean, the blanket can’t possibly cover your whole body, right?_

Maria: _go. to. sleep._

Natasha: _you must have really cold feet right now_

Maria: _Nat, it’s 4 o’clock in the morning._

Natasha: you _can’t sleep huh?_

Natasha: _...is it because of the blanket?_

Maria throws her head back in her neck and considers just putting her phone away and trying to sleep. but she can’t just let Nat win this conversation.

Maria: _no, Natasha. it’s because my girlfriend keeps annoying me with stupid questions instead of trying to get some fucking sleep._

Natasha: _i’m on a mission. i have no time for fucking sleep._

Maria: _and i have no time for your bullshit._

Natasha: _well then, go put some socks on against your cold feet and put your phone away._

Maria: _i have no cold feet!!! but the last thing is exactly what i’m going to do right now. goodnight, Natasha._

Maria lays her phone next to her bed and stares at the darkness above her. then her ceiling lights up again.

she makes an annoyed noise as she rolls over to her side to check her phone.

Natasha: _then you must have really cold shoulders._

damnit.


	13. Feelings and other difficult stuff-part 1

“you’re staring again.” Clint punches her shoulder lightly, but Natasha didn’t care enough to punch back this time.

she bites her lip. it’s impossible not to stare. 

her eyes follow Maria as she walks through the hallway until she disappeared around the corner, out of sight.

Natasha sighs and focuses on her best friend again, who’s looking at her grinning. 

“what?”

“you’ve got it bad.” 

“that’s not true!” Natasha feels herself blush. the Black Widow NEVER got it bad. or at least, that’s what she thought. 

Clint wasn’t so sure. “ask her out.”

“no.”

“why.”

“she’s not interested in me.”

“you don’t know that.”

“trust me, i would know.”

“maybe she’s just a lot better in hiding her feelings then you.”

*SMACK.*

………

Maria tries to ignore Natasha as they cross each others path mid-hallway. she can’t help but let her gaze linger on the redhead for longer then necessary. 

luckily, the former spy didn’t seem to notice. how ironic. 

she reluctantly rips her eyes away. she had other things to focus on.

after a mission debriefing or two, Clint Barton shows up in her office, with the biggest grin she’d ever seen on his face.

“Maria!”

“first of all, i can’t remember the time when i gave you permission to call me ‘Maria’. second of all, what are you doing here? i thought you where assigned on a mission for this afternoon.”

“yeah, well, l’ll keep it quick. Natasha-Agent Romanoff-likes to know if you’d ever wanna go on a date with her.”

Maria keeps her face straight. “is this another one of your stupid pranks, Barton?”

the grin disappeared quickly off his face. “no.”

she eyed him suspiciously. “then why are you here to ask this, and not agent Romanoff?”

there was that grin again. “she’s too afraid to ask it herself.”

Maria stood up. “tell her i’d like to see her in my office in half an hour.”

Clint studies her, but she didn’t blush or cast her gaze away. she kept her face straight as always. Maria Hill didn’t lose her cool, ever, and she’d like to keep that reputation up. 

……

exactly thirty minutes later, someone knocks on her door.

“come on in.” she says, no, orders, without looking up from her paperwork. 

the swings open and bright red locks are the first thing she sees from the corner of her eye.

“ah, Romanoff. sit down please.”

the red head does so, and looks at Maria questioning. the latter takes her time before finally looking up to meet a pair of emerald eyes. 

“Agent Barton showed up at my office half an hour ago, with quite a remarkable question. would you like to repeat that question?” 

Natasha casts her eyes down.

Maria might have this whole tough façade thing going on, but when it comes to dating, she is quite the lady. just like about everybody else, she likes to be asked out directly.

“i was wondering if you’d like to go out on a date with me? you know, get a drink or something.” Natasha forced herself to look Maria in the eye while asking the question, if only to gauge her reaction. she feels a warmth slowly spreading across her cheeks and curses Clint and his mother. 

Maria watches fascinated as the Black Widow begins to blush. she finds it adorable.

she waits for a few seconds longer before releasing Natasha from her suffering.

“i might just do that. how about that small little café around the corner you talk about a lot?”

Natasha tries hard not to exhale to visibly, but Maria, observant as she is, notices the fact that she’s been holding her breath anyway.

“sure, l’ll pick you up at eight?”

“sounds fine to me. l’ll still be here around that time. now, dismissed.”

Clint joins Natasha almost as soon as she shuts the door behind her, with the same, stupid grin on his face as half an hour ago. his mission was postponed until tomorrow morning, so he had been sticking around this part of the building for a while now. 

“and? how did that go?”

he keeps waiting while Natasha takes a deep breath.

“i have a date at eight!” she says, trying not to be too loud.

Clint high-fives her, and they walk out the head entrance of the building to have a celebration-drink, or maybe more then one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clint is the captain of the Blackhill ship.


	14. Nailpaint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a little game with myself. I had to write a Drabble about the first thing that caught my eye, and it was a little bottle of dark blue glitter nailpaint my aunt had given me for my “hero-action” of last month, so here we are.
> 
> Also, I’m beginning to crave other blackhill content then my own. I fucking hate my own content and I’m beginning to think it isn’t just a phase.
> 
> Sorry for lazy typing, it’s midnight and I’m doing this from my bad-lighted phone.

Maria leans back, throwing her head in her neck and resting her arms on the bed for support. the small movement causes Natasha’s hand to twitch lightly.

“sit still!” the redhead hisses trough her teeth. her tongue is stuck out just a little bit in concentration. she wipes away the bit of scarlet nailpaint she had spilled over Maria’s toe. if they’d keep going like this Maria’s whole foot would be red and Natasha’s bottle of nailpaint would be empty within minutes. she was the Black Widow, damnit, and she couldn’t even paint her girlfriend’s nails. 

Maria was annoyed by how long it took. she’d been sitting here for twenty minutes, and she had better things to do. there was a certain intelligence agency she was pretty sure wasn’t going to run itself, and Fury was of no use nowadays. finally, Natasha finishes. Maria wriggles her toes to inspect the result. there where still red stripes where Natasha had spilled. luckily, she didn’t have to wear open shoes. 

Maria removes her elbows from underneath her and drops herself on the bed, happy she could just rest for a minute. Natasha, however, has other plans. 

“now, you have to do mine.”

“what?”

“you heard me. now you can paint my toenails.”

“that wasn’t part of the deal!” Maria sputters.

Natasha pouts. “awww, you can’t just leave me hanging with unpainted nails here! Tony’s giving another one of his fancy parties tomorrow night!”

“what? why did nobody mention that? now i have to go in either sandals or stilettos looking like a fucking clown!”

“first, i just mentioned it. and i mentioned yesterday, and the day before. second, why would you have to wear sandals or stilettos? there’s no dresscode. third, you wound me.” the redhead replies.

“first, fuck you. second, you know there is a dresscode, it’s just that nobody cares enough to tell you there is. Pepper would feel overdressed, and i can’t count on you to wear anything nice. third, fuck you.”

“fine, you can have this one. as a prize you can paint my nails, servant.”

Maria huffs, but obeys.


	15. I Miss U

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i did this exact same writing excersice again and this time the first thing that caught my eye was an “i miss u” letter sitting on my shelf, written by my bff during lockdown. 
> 
> extra information you need: Maria’s away for a mission, Natasha is going through a reprogram.

“I miss u” was written with big capitols on the front of the envelope. Natasha would recognize that handwriting anywhere. She had seen it countless of times on mission reports, contracts, accords and more, but it was weird to see it on this kind of letter.

She could feel the tears burn in the corner of her eyes as she struggles to open the envelope. Her vision became blurry only a second later, making it even harder. With trembling hands she pulls the letter out, dropping the envelope. She watches it whirling for a bit before it softly lands on the ground. She was well aware of Barton’s gaze burning in the flesh of her back but she pretends not to notice, instead taking a deep, shaky breath before unfolding the piece of paper. Natasha blinks a few times to clear her vision and focuses on the words.

“

_Dear Natasha,_

_Everything’s going well here so far, if that eases your mind. I saw a bunch of beautiful flowers today that reminded me of you, but I made the mistake to say that out loud so now Coulson’s being a dick. I found an old dvd in our safehouse so I packed it in case you’ve already watched every single movie you could possibly find on Netflix. It’s called ‘Notting Hill’ (yes, Coulson made jokes about that too) so if you spot it on Netflix, save it, please. I miss you and I hope l’ll be done within a week or so so I can call dibs on the bag of Cheetos in the bathroom closet, oops, did I really just write that? Anyways, stay strong and try not to kill Barton, ok?_

_-love, M_

“

Natasha was both laughing and crying now, distracted enough not to notice that Barton had sneaked up on her and was reading over her shoulder. She broke his nose with one swift, unexpected hit and stroked the letters written on the piece of paper with her thumb, tracing the ink lines with her nail and thinking about how Maria’s warm hand had stroked the paper maybe earlier today, or maybe yesterday-

But all she could feel now was the soft, cool paper beneath her fingertips. Nothing more then an object-an object that smelled like her loved one though.

Barton, who had stumbled backwards clenching his swollen nose, reached for a sheaf of paper laying on a table behind him and handed both the paper aswell as a pen to Natasha, who sat down and began to write a letter back, keeping Maria’s letter close to her chest while writing.

“

_Dear Maria,_

_Not knowing where you are and whether you’re safe or not is killing me, please return home soon and with every single toe and finger intact. My days are mostly consisting of paperwork and thoughts about you, and occasional sparring matches with Barton, whose nose I just broke by the way. It’s not fair they won’t let me in the field, especially with you on a mission and Barton as only company (they won’t let anyone else near me as it’s “too dangerous” with all the reprogramming and brainwashing and stuff) the procedures are horrible, but fortunately not so horrible as the Red Room methodes._

_Missing you too,_

_Love, N_

_PS: Barton is fine, other then the broken nose, I’m just pissed off they stationed him in my room to keep an eye on me. He says hi._

“

Maria returned home safely nine days later, bringing along a bouquet of beautiful flowers and a dusty old version of ‘Notting Hill’.


	16. Memories

Maria finds her girlfriend sitting on the floor, surrounded by old, dusty boxes and countless of what appears to be pictures. Natasha hadn’t noticed her yet, so she takes advantage of that by silently leaning against the door and watching the redhead smile at an old picture. Maria leans in in an attempt to find out which picture exactly, causing Natasha to notice movement from the corner of her eye. 

in one swift movement, a gun is drawn from the belt around her hips, pulled off the safety switch with a familiar, clicking noise. Natasha loosens her grip on the firearm when she notices who it is, however. the ex-spy takes a deep breath and lowers the gun. “goddamnit, woman. you’ll get yourself killed one day if you keep that up.”

Natasha returns to sorting the pictures, and Maria joins her on the floor. one picture in particular catches her eye. the quality is poor, but it’s recognizable enough. she smiles. the picture shows a 5-year old Maria, face covered in chocolate sauce, smiling at the camera with sparkling eyes. she hands the picture to Natasha, who throws her head in her neck and laughs. “this one we’re keeping.”

the next picture shows Maria, four years old, proudly showing a swimming certificate to the camera with a bright smile. Natasha grins. “you learned to swim?” she asks. 

“yeah.” Maria answers, but the smile on her face disappears quickly when she realized Natasha has never had any of those moments almost every child experiences in their life. those moments you feel like you can take on the whole world. the redhead notices her girlfriend’s mood change and gently grabs her chin. “hey. look at me. don’t do that.”

Maria nods and picks up another photo. they spend the rest of the afternoon laughing at Maria’s old childhood pictures. at the end of the day, their apartment is a sort of museum of framed pictures. sometimes, they would spend whole days lying snuggled up on the couch, staring at those pictures. none of them bothers to remove them, not even after the snap, because Natasha likes to keep these kind of memories close to her.


	17. Fulfilling a Wish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t believe I started writing not even a year ago! It feels like a lifetime.

“Maria!” Natasha exclaims happily as the Deputy Director enters the room.

the redhead looked pretty good for someone who was shot twice only 18 hours ago, apart from her skin color that was just as pale as the hospital’s bedsheets. she had a genuine smile on her face and was sitting upright in bed. Maria wonders if the doctors weren’t suspicious about Natasha’s condition. 

the brunette installs herself next to the door, hands professionally folded behind her back and face expression... well, less professional. uncharacteristically soft. she even allows herself to smile at the ex-spy. “how are you doing?” she asks, fully aware of Natasha’s elderly roommate who’s listening to their conversation from across the room. 

Maria flashes her a quick smile as well. she’d always been nice to elderly people. unless you counted Fury. which she did. Natasha waits for the woman to fall asleep before answering. “i’m good, she’s going to ask about it soon so just play along ok?” 

“Huh?” Maria whispers confused

Before Natasha can answer, the lady wakes up again, screaming with a hoarse voice. a nurse rushes to her side and grabs a small box of pills from the oak wood nightstand. Maria turns back to Natasha with a frown, but the redhead is still staring at the scene that displays in front of them. they watch as the lady stops screaming and focuses on the nurse, who calmed her down.

Natasha pulls Maria in closer and hisses: “that lady over there and I had a conversation the other day. she suffers from dementia and she was sad that she sometimes couldn’t remember her lesbian daughter, who just got married, so to cheer her up I may have told her that you and I are a couple.” 

“You did WHAT?!” Maria whisper-screams, resisting the urge to slap the redhead in her face. 

the nurse leaves the room and the lady glances over to them again. It takes a few seconds for her to speak. “Is this the girlfriend?” She asks, voice still a bit hoarse but eyes clear.

“Yes.” Maria says, almost through gritted teeth. She leans in and kisses Natasha full on her mouth. even if she had noticed that the spy had gotten a bit more color on her cheeks, she didn’t show it. 

The elder lady’s smile grew wider as she watched the two women. “You two make a lovely couple.” 

“Thank you.” Natasha answers. She turns back to Maria, who had walked over to one of the nurses to fetch Natasha’s medical report. The thin frown line between her eyebrows only increases as she glances at the file. 

“How are you already sitting upright? Did they stick iron tubes in your back or something?” She mutters under her breath.

“How long have you been together?” She heard the lady ask.

“Three and a half years now.” Natasha answers without hesitation. This is the stuff she’s good at, even when lying in a hospital bed barely able to move. Technically, it is true. They’ve known each other for three and a half years.

The lady clasps her hands together, delighted. “And when are you planning on getting engaged?”

“Oh uh, we really don’t know we’re kinda busy with our jobs and stuff.” Maria cuts in before Natasha has the time to answer. She had observed the redhead carefully, and the way those emerald green eyes had started to shimmer doesn’t exactly calm her mind.

Natasha nods in agreement. “I hope it’ll be soon. You make such a lovely couple!” The lady says again.

An uncomfortable silence dawns over them, but the lady didn’t seem to notice. Maria quickly excuses herself, gives Natasha one last kiss, whispers “you owe me” in her ear and heads out.

The next day, Nick sends her to visit Natasha again. The redhead had been waiting for her, she sees as she enters the room. The lady is asleep on her side, back towards them. 

“Hi. How are you doing?” Maria asks softly.

“Good. Can’t wait to get out of this bed, but good.” 

“How is she doing?” Maria gestures to the unmoving shape in the bed across the room.

“I don’t know. She’s been sleeping most of the time. Sometimes she wakes up screaming, but quickly sleeps in again when the nurses give her her medication.”

It doesn’t take long for the lady to wake up. Confusing can be seen clearly in her eyes when she does, and Maria takes a note to have patience with the woman. “Who are you?” She questions warily. 

“I’m Natasha, and this is my fiancé Maria.” 

Maria nods and smiles, even though she almost choked when Natasha pronounced the word “fiancé”. Since when where they fiancé’s?!

The woman doesn’t seem to notice that somethings off with the sphere in this room and the way Natasha just introduced herself and Maria. She’s only delighted and starts telling a story about her own lesbian daughter. Maria hears out the whole story and sometimes nods or hums just to give a response to what the old lady was telling her. 

When she’s done, Natasha starts a fake story about she and Maria had met, and it becomes a nice afternoon after all. Maria stays longer then she should, but doesn’t mind and happily engages in conversations with the elder lady.

A week later, Natasha gets out of the hospital and they never see the lady again. Natasha has the balls to ask the hospital staff about it a year later, and is sad to hear the woman-Helen was her name-had passed away peacefully in her sleep only a few weeks after Natasha had left the hospital.

One quiet evening, the redhead brings Helen up again while leaning against Maria’s chest. “Remember when that old lady in the hospital told us she wished we got engaged soon?”

“Hmm.”

“Well, I’m happy we got to fulfill that wish after all.”


	18. On And On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update update update update update
> 
> trust me, you aren’t half as excited about this update as i am. 
> 
> this chapter was a real bitch. this song was stuck in my head all day so my subconsciousness decided to base this drabble on it. i didn’t even notice until halfway through lmao.
> 
> anyway, the song is “On and On” by The Score. i freaking love this song but i’ve heard it so much now that it’s kinda getting annoying:)
> 
> my followers on Tumblr know i love The Score’s songs in general. their lyrics and beat is soooo gooood

“what does S.H.I.E.L.D. mean to you, Maria?”

Maria doesn’t startle at hearing Fury’s voice behind her. she doesn’t even turn around, instead focusing on the punching bag in front of her. hell, she doesn’t even pay attention to her completely torn up, bleeding knuckles that sting with every punch she throws.

_play until my fingers hurt_  
_write until i find the words_

she can see her boss leaning against the doorframe from the corner of her eye. Fury waits patiently for her to answer, knowing she heard his question. he watches as she tears the punching bag apart, not stupid enough to try and stop her.

finally, Maria stops and rests her forehead against the punching back. “my answer hasn’t changed since that one night seven years ago, sir.”

he nods and leaves her alone, knowing there isn’t anything else he can do.

she focuses on her breathing, hearing herself pant and feeling the sting in her side.

you’re slacking, Hill, she tells herself.

snippets of last night’s conversation come back to her, and even though her memories are all vague and faded, she can hear Natasha’s raised voice clearly, telling her to shut up. tears threat to cloud her eyes as she turns to grab her water bottle and towel.

_so much that i wanna say_  
_before the moment slips away_

she leaves the gym and returns to her empty apartment, even though she doesn’t want to. it still feels weird, having all the space for herself. it’s quiet in the apartment, too quiet for Maria to like it. Natasha has picked up her stuff already, and suddenly it feels overwhelmingly empty.

no hoarse voice echoing through the hallway, singing a cheesy 80’s song, no pairs of fuzzy socks lying in random spots, no oversized sweaters on the ground, literally 1 feet away from the laundry basket.

no more lazy movie nights after ops, no more unexpected trips to Paris or Rome, no more laughing at America’s Funniest Home Videos when it comes on.

_so hard to find this place_  
_so hard to catch this chase_

she jumps in the shower and turns it on without waiting for the water to warm up, this is instantly regretted when she’s met with a blast of icy cold water. shivering, she turns the showerhead to the wall, but the water ricochets and hits her after all. she quickly steps out of the cabin and waits a bit before feeling with her toe.

the warm water washes away the swear and a single tear trickling down her cheek. she notices the absence of Natasha’s red lily and cinnamon shower foam. Maria used to steal just a little bit of it every time she showered just because it smelled like Natasha.

_now that you fell into me_  
_hit me like a melody_

Maria softly hums the melody of a song she can barely remember. it stashed in her head as Nat’s favorite song, but when she heard it for the first time she had to laugh about how bad it was and had sworn she’d never put it on ever again. Nat had teased her with singing it for months after, sure, but those memories had somehow faded now that she was gone.

the water makes the wounds on her knuckles sting and washes the blood away.

_everybody says that nothing ever lasts forever_  
_so i’m hanging on tight trying to keep it all tied together_

maybe she should’ve known it couldn’t last. maybe she should’ve known that both the ex-military commander of S.H.I.E.L.D. and world’s most infamous Russian superspy weren’t made to love, that they where made for a bigger purpose then love. but this is the way it went down. and she can’t do anything about it. lesson learned.

_hold me like a photograph_  
_fragile like a piece of glass_

she can recall all of the lazy sundays they had spent together in bed.

maybe it was time to move on. someone like her couldn’t be sad about something for too long, she had a intelligence agency to run. she had all the means to move on, a job, a purpose, people who needed her. her life wasn’t fallen apart, was it?

she didn’t know, but she’d figure it out.

_the future’s headed for the past_  
_full of sparks that couldn’t last_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come scream angst with me on Tumblr: savagedemondog
> 
> comments and kudos are my fuel pls feed me


	19. Great but poorly executed prompts-part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 19, in which:
> 
> -Natasha tries to make Maria blush, and succeeds  
> -Natasha buys a customized doormat  
> -Maria comes up with a sneaky trick to get to keep her old Marine shirts  
> -Natasha feeds the doves  
> -they recreate some old pictures  
> -Liho tests out lingerie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a few small dribbles and drabbles completely unrelated to eachother. the first was hidden somewhere in the messy pile that’s my unposted WIP’s, the rest where all inspired by this: https://pin.it/3SjwTfj
> 
> this post goes really hard and i hope to hit the milestone of 100 kudos before my next update:)

Maria barges through the door, and Natasha looks up with an amusing gleam in her eyes. Her superior officer’s face resembled absolute  _thunder_ , and the redhead waited expectedly for what’s to come.

“How could you do that?” 

“Do what?”

“Let yourself get shot.... from close range even! You are better than that, Romanoff.”

Natasha snorts. She had this whole conversation planned out in her head already.

“I was distracted.”

“By what? What could  _possibly_ distract the Black Widow from doing her job?”

“Your eyes, apparently. Really, they are so goddamn blue.. wow, does that shade even exist? Are you sure you’re not brainwashed by Loki, too?” Natasha scoots a little bit closer to the edge of her hospital bed and narrows her eyes.

“ What?” Maria begins to blush, even though she wouldn’t admit it for a hundred dollars.

Natasha grins.  _mission accomplished_.

—————

Maria was truly speechless. 

“and? do you like it?” Natasha grins. she watches as her girlfriend’s face slowly transforms from an unreadable expression to a full-blown smile, and from a smile to laughing. Natasha can’t help but laugh too as they stare at the doormat in front of their new apartment. 

‘welcome!

beware of Maria

Liho is also shady

Natasha is cool!’ 

it says. it was custom made, and had costed more then Natasha had originally been willing to pay for it, but it was worth every penny, the redhead thinks as she watches Maria throw her head back, still laughing. 

—————

“Maria, no!”

“Maria, yes.” the brunette pulls her old marine shirt quickly out of her girlfriend’s reach, who has to jump to even touch the fabric. 

“you have like, sixteen of these things. you can miss a few!” 

“nope.” Maria shakes her head, and Natasha gives up. she can’t really out-stubborn her. 

Maria, however, knows the redhead wil bring it up again sooner or later, so she grabs a sharpie and goes to work as soon as Natasha leaves the room.

a few minutes later she proudly presents her marine shirt collection to her girlfriend.

‘i ♡ Natasha’ is written on the front of all shirts.

“can i keep them now?”

“mmmm fine.”

Maria grins. 

—————

Maria wakes up to the sound of doves.  doves?

Natasha is already gone of course, and so the brunette rolls over, enjoying all of the extra space. 

the bird sounds are getting louder and louder, and she jumps out of bed grumpily, already opening her mouth to shout something like “shut up!” as soon as she opened the window. 

her jaw does drop to the floor, but not the way she expected when she looks down to the street. 

Natasha, wearing a grey, woolen hat that covers her ears and has a huge white, pompon on top. She’s looking up and waving, wearing matching grey gloves and a long, dark grey coat. 

Bird food is scattered all around her, in heart shape. Multiple doves as well as seagulls are eating from it. 

Maria smiles and waves back.

—————

when Natasha slides into the room on her socks, arms full of old photo albums and screaming “let’srecreatesomeoldpictures!”, Maria knows something must be horribly wrong with her girlfriend. 

“Tasha, ARE. YOU. OKAY.” she asks, already grabbing a flashlight to shine it in the redhead’s eyes. 

“yes, why u ask? look at this one! it’s so cute!” Natasha says, mildly confused and waving with a picture. it shows a 7 year old Maria, dressed up for Halloween.

Maria sighs. “why have we even kept these.”

“i hid them in my secret spot, you will never find out where. MUHAHAHAHA.”

Maria puts her hands on her hips. “the loose floorboard in our bedroom?”

“the loose floorboard in our bedroom.” Natasha admits, while flipping through one of the books.

“ok so, we’re recreating.... this one.” she points at a picture taken a year or two ago, at one of Tony’s fancy parties. it shows both of them, smiling at the camera. a wine spot is visible on Natasha’s emerald green dress, that doesn’t leave a lot to the imagination. it was from earlier that night, when Bruce had accidentally dropped his glass of red wine and spilled it all over her dress. the redhead didn’t mind though, and just continued talking to the guests as if nothing happened. they had made fun of it later. 

“do we even have that dress anymore? didn’t we just throw it away the day after?” Maria asks.

“found it already!” Natasha holds up the piece of fabric.

Maria considers it for a few seconds, and then sighs again. “ok. lets find my dress then.” 

that takes a lot of time, especially since it seems to be apart of Natasha’s pile of old clothing, which is sky high, messy and it’s almost impossible to find what you’re looking for. eventually, they find the dress and even though it smells horrible and contains countless of folds, it’s still whole. 

they spend the rest of the afternoon laughing at crazy pictures and recreating them. by the time the sun has set they have filled a whole new photo album.

—————

_ Natasha: hey;) _

_ Natasha: what are you up to? _

_ Maria: testing out some new underwear;) _

_ Natasha: ooo, pictures?;D _

_ Maria:  _ [image]

(picture featuring Liho, sitting on a glass table with a grumpy expression and wearing red laced lingerie.)

_Maria: ;)_

_Natasha: hmph_


	20. Great but poorly executed prompts-part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 20, in which:
> 
> -Natasha gets sunburns mid-November  
> -Maria tries photographing&gets attacked by a goose  
> -Natasha accidentally melts a rubber duck  
> -Natasha tries to get Pringles from a vending machine but ends up embarrassing herself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am in a good mood&felt encouraged to update because:
> 
> A) This post hit two milestones between last week’s update and now, just like I predicted
> 
> B) I adopted a guinea pig:)
> 
> C) I bought tickets for a concert of my favorite band, which is coming to Amsterdam in February next year. I also got my dad as far as driving me there, coming with me to the concert and letting me buy a tour shirt. Now, fingers crossed it won’t get canceled because of goddamn Corona.

Natasha comes home at 3:00 am, with big, red stripes on her legs and a grumpy expression on her face. 

Maria, sitting on the couch with a glass of het favorite wine in her hand, snorts.

“What are those.” She gestures, trying to keep a straight face. 

“Sunburns.”

“But it’s November!” The brunette gasps.

“Not in the Sahara.” Natasha rolls het eyes and stalks off to the kitchen to grab a bottle of whiskey, muttering: “mental note: NEVER wear ripped jeans in the fucking desert ever again.”

~~~~~~~

Natasha finds her girlfriend slightly hanging over he couch one afternoon, tongue slightly sticking out and completely focused on zooming in with the camera of her phone.

“What are you doing? I brought you a scone!”

“Yeah, thanks. Let me photograph this nice bird real quick.” 

Natasha drops herself on the chair across the room. “Since when have you taken such interest in birds?”

“Not birds, photographing.”

“Oh, my mistake.” The redhead can picture it already, Maria, at their wedding day, with a huge ass camera hanging around her neck. She shakes her head at the thought. Nuh-uh. Not gonna happen. “Babe, you know the window’s open, right?” She asks as she watches the bird turning his head towards them.

Maria didn’t notice the strange glim in the animal’s eyes, however. “Yup. That’s to make sure the reflection of the glass-WOAH!!” her eyes widen slightly as the bird charges at them, right through their open window. She quickly backs away, trying to hit it’s head with her phone. Natasha just stands and laughs as the goose chases her girlfriend around the living room.

Finally, the animal settles on pooping on their carpet before exiting their house.

“How do you like photographing now, huh?” Natasha asks with a wide grin as she looks at a slightly messed up Maria.

~~~~~~~

“Look what I bought!” Natasha waves the rubber ducky in front of Maria’s nose, who eyes it warily. “I call him George! He can sit on our dashboard!” 

“Tasha-“

But the redhead already storms out of the front door, leaving it wide open. A few seconds later, she appears again, declaring she’s ‘taking George for a ride’. 

Before Maria can argue she’s gone. The brunette puts away her magazine and smirks. She knows exactly what’s about to happen next.

(A few minutes later)

Maria is rolling over the ground, laughing so hard her throat begins to ache. Natasha is staring at her dashboard, flabbergasted, with her car keys in her hand. The rubber duck has melted and now forms a pool, slowly dripping off the dashboard onto the floor. It’s face is still vaguely visible, and it’s not looking very happy. She sighs. This is gonna be a hell of a task to clean up.

~~~~~~~

It wasn’t that Natasha didn’t know that the vending machines at SHIELD HQ weren’t exactly the most practical things, they also had a canteen, but she absolutely adored Pringles, one of the snacks they sold. Maria did, too. So on one Tuesday afternoon the redhead decided to be nice and get herself and her girlfriend some treats. That didn’t exactly go as planned.

You see, SHIELD’s vending machines worked with personnel cards. And after you where promoted, those things can be a bit laggy. So Natasha stood there for seven minutes after she had ordered and used her not-working card, shaking the hell out of a vending machine like an idiot, before someone brought up the guts to help her. That person was a highly amused Maria, who simply tapped on the glass twice and entered a code before their snacks where freed from where they where stuck.

Huh, guess those things where modern after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just ignore the lack of capital i’s throughout this whole fic. They confuse me.


	21. M&N’s whatsapp conversations

** Thursday December 21st 11:54 **

_ Maria: Where are u? _

_ Natasha: kitchen _

_ Maria: can u feed cat  _

_ Natasha: i mean garage  _

_ Maria: can u fix car _

_ Natasha: bathroom _

_ Maria: clean toilet _

_ Natasha: Idaho _

_ Maria: _ _buy potatoes_

_ Natasha: hedgehog shelter _

_ Maria: Natasha no _

——————

** Thursday December 21st 14:37  **

_ Maria: can u buy milk and potatoes  _

_ Natasha: yeah _

_ Maria: write it down _

_ Natasha: no l’ll remember _

_ Maria: ok _

46 minutes later

_ Natasha: babe I got the groceries _

_ Maria: yea? _

_ Natasha: yea _

_ Maria: so what did u buy _

_ Natasha: ...panda _

_Maria: 😔_

——————

** Wednesday June 4th 16:11 **

_ Natasha: Maria Steve fucked up _

_ Maria: you sure it was Steve and not you? _

_ Natasha: ouch _

——————

** Wednesday June 11th 17:20 **

_ Maria: what do u want for dinner _

_ (Natasha is typing...) _

_ Maria: wrong answer you want soup for dinner _

_ Maria: what do you want to watch during dinner? _

_ (Natasha is typing...) _

_ Maria: that was a rhetorical question  _

——————

** Thursday June 12th 9:18 **

_ Maria: you forgot to turn the tv off last night _

_ Natasha: no i didn’t..... _

_ Natasha: ....Liho wanted to watch Tom&Jerry _

——————

** Monday 30 September 16:08 **

_ Natasha: i have good news&bad news _

_ Maria: bad news first _

_ Natasha: a penguin pooped in the tub _

_ Maria: we don’t own a penguin?? _

_ Natasha: and now the good news:) _

———————

** Tuesday 27 October 13:29 **

_ Maria: ughh there’s a kid here and he is just like you _

_ Natasha: badass?  _

_ Natasha: amazing? _

_ Natasha: fantastic? _

_ Natasha: SUPER COOL??? _

———————-

** Tuesday 27 October 14:34 **

_ Natasha: where’s the people opener? _

_ Maria: did you just refer to the kitchen knife as “people opener”? _

_ Natasha: should i not have? _

_ Natasha: but where is it? _

_ Natasha: oh wait, i found one of my own knives _

_ Maria: how many knives do you have exactly? _

_ Natasha: idk, a bunch in my jacket, few strapped to my legs and arms, some in my pants pockets, two in each boot.... just in case. _

_ Maria: just in case what? just in case you have to go undercover as porcupine? _

——————

** Saturday December 23th 19:31 **

_ Natasha: i have a horrible, horrible idea _

_ Natasha: _ _Bruce asked us to go to the opera with him tomorrow, but we might be able to sneak out and go to that cute little Christmas market thing i showed you. it’s right around the corner from the Opera House._

_ Maria: sigh _

_ Maria: at least you’re not planning to attack an earth.  _

_ Natasha : no, that would be a disaster _

_ Natasha: but i’d so much prefer that over Opera _


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these where old snippets I finished specifically for this update😊
> 
> i felt like i could’ve done so much better on the first one, but the second is just cute.

Natasha wakes up to what is quite possibly the most hilarious sight she’s ever seen. 

a fluffy, black mass covers the place where Maria’s head is supposed to be, all paws spread out and probably feeling like she’s in cat heaven. a few strands of dark brown hair are still visible from underneath Liho’s belly. 

Natasha tries not to laugh as she checks her girlfriend’s pulse, making sure Maria didn’t choke on the thick, soft fur. Maria is still alive, but how she manages to breathe stays a mystery to Natasha. she makes a mental note to ask her if she has an extra pair of lungs somewhere hidden in her body later on. honestly, with all the technology and stuff nowadays, it wouldn’t surprise her. 

the redhead grabs her phone to take a picture. this will make excellent blackmailing content for later arguments. They black cat notices the silent click of the camera, and lazily opens one eye. Natasha grins at her satanic monster child. “Good morning, Liho. Do you want some food? Yes?”

Natasha quickly grabs her slippers and sneaks away, chuckling. A few seconds later, she hears a loud sneeze coming from the bedroom, making her laugh even harder.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maria wakes up with a face full of cat hair and an empty other side of the bed. after sneezing herself a way into the bathroom and washing her face thoroughly, she finds that Natasha has left a message for her on the fridge, using the letter magnets.

“buy more milk” it says.

“no fuck u i bought groceries yesterday” she quickly spells back.

the next morning, she finds another sentence in colorful letters. “we’re out of milk, buy the damn milk” 

“no do it urself if u miss the milk” she makes, annoyed. 

Natasha pads into the kitchen on her socks, with a glass of water.

Maria ignores her and walks past to make herself breakfast. Natasha sees her message, bends over and before Maria knows it, the letter magnets say: “buy fucking milk” 

she glares furiously at the redhead and wipes the magnets off with a swift move, then walks out with her chin high. Nat watches as she disappears, just as mad. 

Maria goes off to work without saying a word to her girlfriend. Natasha had her monthly free day today so she wouldn’t have to see the redhead until past 11 tonight with a bit of luck. she quickly forgets their stupid little fight to focus on her job.

When she comes home that evening, it’s remarkably warm in the house. Candles are lit and the air smells of Jasmine and pear, a candle scent Natasha has chosen. The extractor hood is buzzing, and steam coming from the kitchen fades in the air. Maria can vaguely hear Natasha hum a song she knows all too well. She drops her bag on one of the chairs loudly, making sure Natasha hears it and doesn’t startle when she walks in the kitchen to check up on her. She does said thing and finds the redhead staring at a pan full of simmering spaghetti. She wraps her arms around Natasha and kisses her shoulder, before starting to hum along. 

“I bought milk.” Natasha says, and Maria smiles.


	23. M&N’s Whatsapp Conversations Pt 2-After Fight Edition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> blackhill texts after a fight:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i posted this on Tumblr already but: whyyy has no one written a Blackhill Cupcake Shop AU yet? please do!
> 
> oof i’m very busy with my upcoming Bday because of Covid measures here in the Netherlands. also New Year’s eve and Christmas.

** Tuesday 18 May, 12:39 **

_ Natasha: Masha _

_ Natasha: Masha _

_ Natasha: mar _

_ Natasha: ria _

_ Natasha: Maria _

_ Natasha: baby _

_ Natasha: Maria _

~~ 3 minutes later.. ~~

_ Natasha: Maria _

_ Natasha: Masha _

_ Natasha: Maria _

_ Natasha: omg did u die _

_ Maria: no i didn’t. wtf is going on with u _

_ Natasha: i’m texting you to say _

_ Natasha: i don’t love you _

_Maria: 😒_

————————-

** Tuesday 18 May, 16:41 **

_ Maria: dude _

_ Natasha: what  _

_ Maria: was it u who drew a spider on the toilet paper _

_ Natasha: who else would it be _

_ Natasha: did it scare u _

_ Maria: nearly gave me a heart attack _

_ Natasha: good. die.  _

—————————-

** Tuesday 18 May, 20:11 **

_ Natasha: why are u smiling at ur phone _

_ Natasha: your happiness is sitting right next to you _

_ Natasha: *I am sitting right next to you _

——————————

** Tuesday 18 May, 8:36 **

_ Maria: i left you a sandwich on the counter _

_ Natasha: aww _

_ Maria: fyi, it was not made with love.  _

_ Maria: it was made with a lot of pickles _

_ Natasha: eww _

_ Maria: that’s what i thought. muhahaha _

——————————

** Wednesday 19 May, 10:47 **

_ Natasha: COME BACK HERE AND LOVE ME!! _

_ Maria: no _

_ Maria: I finally have a whole bed for myself _

_ Maria: u space&blanket hogger _

_ Natasha: the only thing I’m trying to hog rn is snuggles _

_ Maria: exactly that’s why u won’t get them _

_ Natasha: :( _

_ Natasha: I hate u _

_ Maria: awww ur cute:) _

_ Natasha:  😡 _

_ Natasha: IF U DON’T COME OVER HERE IN 30 MINUTES I’II CHANGE MY FACEBOOK STATUS TO SINGLE _

_ Maria: no u wouldn’t dare _

_ Natasha: yes I would _

_ Maria: guess we’ll find out in 30 minutes _

———————

_ Maria: So u did change ur status after all _

_ Natasha: yep, wanna see some of the dick pics I’ve got already? _

_ Maria: nty _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also happy Purple Friday! 
> 
> i don’t know if you celebrate it yet but my whole school is covered in purple balloons and the staff wears purple sweaters. honestly it makes me a lot happier than the tons of christmas decoration they have hanging in the canteen. i swear it’s a walking Nativity scene.


	24. Great but poorly executed prompts-pt 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I today’s chapter:
> 
> Steve made a move on Natasha’s girlfriend so now he’ll die, among other things
> 
> -Confused!Steve makes an appearance again
> 
> -non-AoU-compliant stuff happens
> 
> A Natasha shaped hole is left in the snow, also, she can’t ski.
> 
> Natasha tries to make Maria late night chicken wings but fails miserably

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The leather jacket incident in AoU has been on my mind recently 
> 
> I love Confused!Steve. I can relate to him:)
> 
> Anyways, you can find me on tumblr: savagedemondog

Natasha Lets het girlfriend out of sight for one moment. ONE MOMENT. And this happens. She stalks over to the couch, furiously sending destructive glares to Bruce, Rhodey, Clint, Thor and Tony, as well as the glass table, Maria’s drink and the counter. oh yeah, let’s not forget about Steve. Goddamn Steve, whose gaze she holds longer then necessary. The poor guy flinches back a bit. She drops herself onto the couch, snaking one arm behind Maria and beginning to rub slow and long circles on her girlfriend’s back with her fingertips. Slowly and unnoticed, she moves up so Steve’s leather jacket slides off Maria’s shoulder. The brunette doesn’t notice, animatedly engaging in the apparently interesting conversation. Tony, however, does notice and gets a furious stare. It takes a while before Maria finally becomes aware of the jacket that has fallen on her lap. Before she can pick it up and drape it around herself again, Natasha grabs it and throws it at Steve’s head in a swift motion. Steve barely catches it and looks confused for a few seconds, before deciding to enter the contest of picking up Thor’s hammer.

Later that night, Natasha guides Maria back to their apartment, hoping the brunette would’ve forgotten the incident of earlier that evening. She didn’t, however. “What the hell was that?” She asks, waiting for the redhead to grab the keys.

“Could asks you the same, you know.” Natasha vaguely answers.

Maria opens her mouth to say something, but then realizes that “you’re jealous!”

“Of course I was. Captain America made a move on my girl.” Natasha says. “-and now his ass is going down.” She adds, silently.

“He was just being a gentleman!” Maria protests. 

“I brought a leather jacket too you know!”

The brunette sighs. “You know what? I’m done with this bullshit. You will shut up now because there’s no need to be jealous, and if I find out you assassinate Steve or something in that category, you’ll have couch-sitting duty for at least a month.”

Natasha groans, but finally fishes the keys out of her bag and lets them in their house. 

They undress very quickly and go to bed. Once have switched the lights off, Natasha wraps her arms tightly around her already sleeping girlfriend. Maria was hers and hers only, and Steve will still die for his actions, but that will have to wait until she has a good excuse to murder him. No one would know, she could just say he got in a car accident, if she made it look like he did. To that, Natasha falls a sleep with a sweet smile on her face.

——————————

Go skiing with me, she said. it’ll be fun, she said.

Natasha wrinkles her nose. she’s currently standing on top of a hill, with stupid ski’s on her feet, and sticks in her hands, peering over the edge. Maria was already down below, waving in encouragement. Natasha lowers herself a bit, narrowing her eyes. she was world’s most feared woman, damnit. she could do this easily. she pushes herself off the edge, wiggling a bit. she slides of easily, but has to keep herself from moving or she loses balance. her eyes widen as she sees a giant heap of snow approaching fast. she wiggles with her feet and tries to plant the sticks in the snow to stop herself, but it doesn’t work and she crashes face first into the heap. soft but freezing cold snow surrounds her and numbs her skin.

the first thing she hears as soon as she gets up and wipes the snow from her ears is Maria’s loud laugh filling the air. 

————-

Maria wakes up in the middle of the night to a burning smell and the sound of the fire alarm. she quickly stands up and shakes her girlfriend awake, who hums in protest. 

“get up.” the brunette hisses. 

she slips out of the room, quickly searching for the fire. the room is clouded with smoke, making it hard to see. she heads straight for the kitchen, where the smell is coming from. Natasha follows her blindly around the house, pulling her shirt over her mouth and nose. Once entering the kitchen, they spot the soft glow of the microwave. She quickly turns it off and grabs a towel to wave the smoke away from the fire alarm. Natasha is already on her way to the living room to open a window, blushing from the tips of her ears to the bridge of her nose. She knows exactly what was going on and she wasn’t proud of it.

As soon as they got rid of the smoke and the burning smell (Maria using a LOT of perfume), the brunette comes storming into the room, exclaiming “what the hell?!”

Natasha avoids her gaze. “I was trying to make you chicken wings.” She says softly.

“And you thought it would be wise to warm them up in the middle of the night in the microwave?”

The redhead doesn’t answer. Maria comes over to wrap her arms around her girlfriend. “I appreciate the gesture, I really do. But for the next time, please stay next to the microwave until whatever you’re making is done, okay? What were you doing up in the middle of the night anyway?”

“It was supposed to be a surprise.”

“Sweet. Now, what do you think of some late night chicken wings? I’m hungry.” Maria smiles. Natasha smiles back and nods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So as I’ve mentioned a couple (er, a lot of) times, tomorrow (it’s 23:10 so in just 50 minutes actually!) is my birthday, and since we’re all in lockdown and stuff I’d really, really appreciate it if you’d send me an e-mail!
> 
> Send to: SavageDemonDog@hotmail.com
> 
> It’s doesn’t matter what the e-mail is about! It can be just a simple “hi” or telling me about something you’re excited about or you can give me a prompt to write! It would seriously brighten up my bday and I have to admit I will possibly be a little disappointed if I wake up tomorrow morning with zero messages in my email inbox. To make this a little easier, here are some requests:
> 
> Idea 1: tell me about your favorite animal&what pets you’d like to own in the future
> 
> Idea 2: tell me about how you’ve experienced the COVID-19 crisis and how it has affected your life&productivity
> 
> Idea 3: tell me about your Zodiac sign and what you find most interesting about it/if your Zodiac sign traits are accurate to your personality. (And also what you think of the 13th Zodiac sign!)
> 
> Of course these are all just ideas and you don’t have to use them! Just a simple “hi” would make my day.
> 
> Also, I know some of you will be hesitant because they might think I’ve already got a lot of e-mails, but that probably isn’t true! And even if it is, I’d love to talk to you. The more the better. I swear that l’ll reply to any and every single e-mail. Life is boring the hell out of me right now and I need some distraction:)
> 
> If you decide to send me an e-mail, thank you so so much! I’ll get back to you ASAP 
> 
> If you can’t/won’t send me an e-mail, thank you so much for reading and I hope you have a nice day!


	25. Great but poorly executed prompts-pt 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 25, in which:
> 
> -I barely manage to follow my own “no smut” rule  
> -we find out Maria is afraid of spiders  
> -Natasha gets in trouble, like every chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha! These things keep getting shorter and shorter but I ran out of ideas so this is all you’re getting for today.
> 
> Thank you so much to the people who send me a birthday-e-mail today or yesterday! I think I have messaged everyone back by now but if not please say so.
> 
> I’m still available for collabs, requests, late bday wishes and messages in general so if you want to tell me something or just say hi please don’t hesitate to do so!
> 
> SavageDemonDog@hotmail.com
> 
> I will mention this again in the end notes. There’s no escaping me muhahaha

Maria wakes up and tries to stretch out her stiff limbs, but is being held back by an immovable force. she opens her eyes and stretches her neck to look down at her body. “what the-“

Natasha snorts. the redhead is leaning against the wall on the opposite side of the room, looking at the comical sight of her girlfriend all wrapped up in blue ribbons that perfectly compliment the shade of her eyes. she has tied Maria up nice and tight, so that the brunette is unable to move in any way. “happy Valentine’s Day, babe.”

Maria shoots Natasha one of her signature murder glares. “a box of chocolates would’ve done it, really.” she scoffs.

the redhead rolls her eyes at that. “but where is the fun in that?”

“well, my limbs wouldn’t hurt and i’d have something nice to eat.”

“Yeah but now I have something nice to eat.” Natasha smirks mischievous.

——————

“Uh.. Maria?” Natasha glances down at the enormous huntsman spider staring at her from one corner of the shower as she waits for her fiancé to come.

“Yeah?” The brunette steps into the bathroom and follows Natasha’s gaze...

....and then she freaks.

“OH MY GOD!!!” She drops the towel and the toilet paper on the ground and jumps back with her hands in the air, tripping over the threshold and crashing against the door that falls open against the stairs, causing Maria to fall backwards on the ground hard.

Natasha, who had quickly stepped backwards as soon as her fiancé noticed the giant spider, quickly helps her up, keeping an eye on the animal that had startled too.

Maria crawled back into the hallway with a pained expression on her face, gripping the back of her head and squeezing her eyes shut.

“Please remove the thing.” The brunette says. Natasha makes her way to her kitchen to grab a big glass jar and carefully swoops the spider in, together with it’s best full of eggs. She can’t help but hold it very closely to Maria’s face as she passes by to place the poor animal outside. Maria flinches back.

Natasha returns with an icepack, wrapping her fiancé in a hug and pressing a soft kiss along with the icepack to the bult on Maria’s head.

“Please don’t ever do that again.”

“Do what?” The redhead asks innocently.

Maria huffs. “you could’ve perfectly handled the beast without me.”

—————-

_Maria: want to go shopping tomorrow?_

_Natasha: yeah sure Abby_

_Natasha: *Baby_

_Maria is typing...._

_Natasha: oh shit here we go_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please e-mail me at SavageDemonDog@hotmail.com
> 
> I’m open for collaborations, requests and all kinds of other stuff and I’d really appreciate it if you’d come say hi!
> 
> Anyways thank you for reading as always and I hope you have an amazing day/night!❤️


	26. Great but poorly executed prompts-pt 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 26, in which:
> 
> -I quickly go over a few of the Tower’s (sometimes funny) rules.  
> -the Russian gets a cold  
> -Natasha acts like a complete child due to my poor characterization.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve said this before and l’ll say it again: please send me e-mails  
> (It’s getting pathetic now someone come pick me up)
> 
> SavageDemonDog@hotmail.com
> 
> Thanks to all of the people who have send me something so far. I have responded to all of you by now. Your kind words blow my mind every time and I’m so thankful for every one of you.
> 
> Again, l’ll put this in the end notes too:)

#1: no bringing up Natasha&Maria’s, or Tony’s sex life.

_ only break it when: _

_ a) you’re in desperate need to get rid of a body part _

_ b) the second is just gross and not to be violated under any circumstance unless you need a valid reason to kill yourself. (or Tony). _

#2: no attempting to get Steve drunk. it won’t work and you’ll most likely end up wasted yourself.

_especially if your name is Tony Stark. we (the other residents of the Tower) do not need to hear you speaking in 7 different dialects at the same time again._

#3: do not infiltrate Natasha&Maria’s room

#4: do not set off fireworks in Natasha&Maria’s bedroom.

#5: do not forget both of them are top-spies and have knives under their pillows.

~~ #6: do not forget Tony is allergic to peanuts. ~~

_actually, do forget Tony is allergic to peanuts._

#7: do not forget to grab a camera when you forget Tony is allergic to peanuts.

#8: do not ask Rhodey about his War Machine stories.

#9: do not store a dozen of stinkbombs beneath Bruce’s lab.

#10: if you break the coffee machine, you have to fix it. without assistance.

_same goes for every other device and machine in the Tower. good luck!_

#11: do not use the gun range for stinkbomb-throwing practice. 

#13: do not turn any AC/DC song up to a volume above 100. 

#15: do not design stinkbomb-arrows for Clint.

_you have exactly 3 days to destroy them in a safe and smell-free way, Tony!_

#15: do not forget to detach your personal device from the flatscreen TV in the living room if you’re planning on watching porn. 

—————————

If there was anything Maria did not expect to be woken up for at three am it was her girlfriend claiming that there was a perfect pack of thick, fresh snow outside waiting for them. Natasha tugs on her hand. Maria groans and swings a leg over the blanket, rolling onto her side. 

“You’re no fun.” Natasha pouts as she gently pulled a lock of dark brown hair. soon enough Maria’s other leg is dragged out from underneath her, off bed onto the cold, hard ground. she’s practically doing a split now but she stubbornly buries her head in her pillow. She feels herself getting dragged inch by inch from the bed, until her head threatens to slip over the edge and she finally frees her arms to keep herself from falling.

“Come ooonnn” Natasha pleads.

“Fine. But at least give me time to dress up!” She watches her adorable girlfriend jumping holes in the air and smiles to herself. She was so lucky to have her. Even if it meant getting dragged out of bed at 3:00 to play outside in the freezing cold like children. 

Within minutes, Maria was all dressed up and ready to go having pulled a hat over her ears and draped a scarf around her neck. Natasha decided she rather wanted to stay in her pajamas, a very unwise choice if you asked the brunette but there was really nothing she could do to stop her.

Maria opened the door for an impatient Natasha, who sunk down on her knees as soon as she saw the white carpet of fresh snow waiting for her. She scooped some up in her hands and let it slip through her fingers, turning the skin al red and insensitive. 

Maria dug her fingers in the ground too and began forming a snowball, there cold not bothering her gloved fingers. She threw sneaky sideways glances to her girlfriend to see if the redhead suspected anything, but Natasha was all satisfied in her own small world. It almost seemed criminal to drag her out of it by throwing the snowball.

But she did it anyway, momentarily forgetting she was dealing with a master assassin here. Another not-so smart decision according to Maria. Natasha let put a squeak in protest and began firing at her on top speed, scooping up snow so fast Maria could only see the blur of her arms as she looked for cover behind a pile.

It turns out even Russian top spies aren’t fully immune to the cold, seeing as Natasha ended up with a cold on the couch, red nose, blankets draped over her shoulders and huddled close together with Maria, who had put on Natasha’s favorite movie out of pity. 

The redhead huffed at it. Colds sucked, and even _The Princess Bride_ couldn’t help it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sings falsely* eeeeee-mail meeeeee
> 
> SavageDemonDog@hotmail
> 
> Also follow me on Tumblr for Balckhill incorrect quotes: savagedemondog 
> 
> And kudos and comments are my addiction/drug of choice. 
> 
> Thanks for reading as always and Ciao
> 
> (Yes, I know that wasn’t Dutch.)


	27. The one where Blackhill hacks Fury’s phone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter 27, in which:
> 
> -we learn that, even though you’re a super spy, that doesn’t have to mean that you’re practical. or someone who thinks things through. or someone who secures their bags of parmesan cheese. 
> 
> -the more serious one of the two gets to make jokes too  
> -we learn just how unprofessional Nick Fury actually is.  
> -there’s an overuse of the word “motherfucker”.  
> -our girls get in trouble, as always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> couldn’t help myself for this one.  
> but hey, i hope y’all have had a nice Christmas:) i’ve been busy with a few things, like my new pet (a female axolotl named Cheddar fyi), Christmas, sleepover with a friend, stalking Trump’s Instagram page to see what funny bullshit republicans have been coming up with lately, and making poor attempts to start writing the requests i got. 
> 
> speaking about which, (hey, smooth) i’m still open for chatting, requests, collabs and mail in general at SavageDemonDog@hotmail.com
> 
> thank everyone who has send me an email so far so much, i think i have gotten back to everyone by now but if i accidentally skipped over yours don’t hesitate to send me a reminder❤️
> 
> for everyone who has send me a request, i’m working on it i swear. i’m also busy writing chapter 5 of She Lived For Love And Loved Lived For Her and i’m very active on my Tumblr, which is also savagedemondog (no capital letters)

_ Natasha: [picture] _

picture shows the side of her laptop, the hole for the charger is filled with parmesan cheese crumbs

_ Natasha: guess who’s never gonna throw a bag of unsecured parmesan in her laptop bag ever again? _

_ Maria: you just took Mac n’ cheese to a whole different level _

_ Natasha: i hate you _

_ Maria: no i hate YOU more ❤️ _

————————————-

Nat snickers quietly from her spot, hanging with her head above the slightly loose tile that had shifted just enough for the redhead to see through.

“Masha, come here!” she whispers. her girlfriend is laying flat on her stomach on the other side of the ceiling, keeping an eye on the hallway through a tile she had carefully and professionally removed. 

Maria turns her head and crawled over. Natasha makes room for her while still watching Fury through the small gap. the man had rolled his chair back to open a drawer, looking around carefully. he grabbed a glass jar full of what looked like colorful candy and opened it. Maria had trouble to refrain from laughing as she watched her boss eat secret candy.

Natasha had pulled a phone out of her pocket and was focused on the little screen. the brunette moved a bit so she could watch along over her girlfriend’s shoulder. 

“don’t” she warned the redhead. Natasha only smirked. 

“bad idea.” Maria hissed between her teeth. Nat, however, doesn’t listen. within a few clicks she’s hacked into Nick Fury’s phone and begins scrolling through his contacts, barely containing her snorts. 

Maria, who had been studying Fury to see if he was on to something, moves to watch over her girlfriend’s shoulder again, a grin slowly spreading across her face.

_ Contacts _

_ second-in-command motherfucker (Maria wondered if that made him the “chief motherfucker”) _

_ super spy motherfucker _

_ annoying vent-crawling motherfucker (their soon-to-be label, Maria is afraid) _

_ motherfucker #4 _

attached to those names where the numbers of Natasha, Maria, Clint Barton and.. the fourth came up empty. Natasha tries to get more information but everything is either blocked or written in some code she doesn’t bother to understand. they continue to scroll through contacts. he seemed to have Phil Coulson’s number labeled as “soft motherfucker”, Melinda May as “most traumatized motherfucker”, Sharon Carter as “another-one-motherfucker” and so on.

most of his higher ranking agents where labeled as “motherfucker” this, “motherfucker” that, whereas the technicians seemed to have “dumbfuck” as alias.

Maria grinned at how unprofessional her boss turned out to be. she was, however, afraid their alias would become a lot worse when Fury found out that they where a) spying on him and b) hacking his phone, so she nudged her girlfriend with her foot. Natasha continued to stare at the screen, with a wide grin on her face, and the brunette went to peer over the edge to see if Fury had found out yet. he was staring at his phone, slightly confused and very, very annoyed. 

“we really should go”, she whispered to Natasha. the redhead was looking down now too, still with the dumbest smile on her face. she reached out for the tile, and before Maria could stop her, she moved it with a horrible scratching sound. Fury’s eyes immediately went up, and Natasha smiled at him. Maria quickly ducked out of eyesight and covered her ears for the ballad of curse words to come. something hits the tile underneath her, and Nat flinches away from the edge. “ok we really should get going right about now.” the redhead states.

“wow, i’m surprised you only thought of that now.” Maria responds, mildly irritated. they both begin to crawl away on topspeed, but even on the other side of the building they can still hear Fury curse and slamming with doors. they quickly find a safe spot to hid in for the next, well.... years.

it’s months later when Nat dares to hack into his phone again, and indeed, their alias has gotten a hell of a lot worse. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading as always, don’t forget to send me an email at SavageDemonDog@hotmail.com if you will, and cya next year. (or well, i don’t think i will update before New Year but i’m not sure because being stubborn and not listening to myself is what i do.)
> 
> ❤️


	28. great but poorly executed prompts-pt 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter 28, in which:
> 
> -the girls goof around  
> -Clint Barton gets kicked in the nuts  
> -and more stuff i am just rlly excited because 2021 so i can’t formulate rn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! at the moment i’m posting this it’s exactly 00:00 here in the Netherlands. they’ve forbidden fireworks here so we’re having a huge electronically firework show rn and it’s so cool!! and a dance show....
> 
> i hope your 2021 will be better than this year was. we’ve lost so many lives it’s just awful. my heart goes out to everyone at this moment, no matter if you’ve lost someone or not❤️.
> 
> e-mail me! SavageDemonDog@hotmail.com

_Natasha: thank you for putting up with me last night. i was an asshole. thank you for your kindness. you’re an amazing partner and i’m so lucky to have you._

_Maria: i hit you with a pillow until you stopped crying and trying to murder Barton._

_Natasha: and it was exactly what i needed_

_——————-_

_Maria: have you made the bed yet_

_Natasha: yes. i have also done the groceries and restocked the fridge, fixed the plinth, sharpened the kitchen knives and our personal knives, fed Liho, cut her nails, taken a bath, done the laundry, cleaned the bathroom, driven the car to the garage and the carwash, vacuum cleaned the living room and the bedroom, and i bought you your favorite chocolate._

_Maria: i love you_

_Natasha: you should, i’m a goddamn miracle. _

_———————_

_Natasha: Masha i did something bad_

_Maria: what is it this time_

_Maria: is Clint involved_

_Maria: Clint is involved isn’t he_

_Natasha: yeah... i accidentally married him_

_Maria: YOU DID WHAT_

_Maria: HOW can you accidentally marry someone?_

_Natasha: we were drunk and thought it’d be funny_

_Maria: how do i say this_

_Maria: geez never have i ever thought i’d text this to someone but..._

_Maria: GET A DIVORCE_

———————

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Natasha shouts, barely able to contain her laughter as she slowly but surely pushes the pie in her fiancée’s face, enjoying every second of it. 

“what the hell?!” Maria jumps out of bed, quickly wiping the bangs out of her face. “why did you do that?” she asks as she sprints to the bathroom. she tries not to breathe in through her nose, since it’s full of whipping cream. 

Natasha has thrown herself back on the bed, laughing so hard her face turned red. 

an indignant Maria returns from the bathroom, water dripping off her face and with a stern look in her eyes. she puts her hands on her hips. “you haven’t answered my question yet.”

“Today is the day i get to prank you anytime i want. Clint’s idea.” Natasha clutches her stomach, wheezing at the thought of the amazing pranks she has spend months to set up. “he’s... he’s just outside.”

the brunette storms out the room. seconds later, the door is opened and someone gets slapped across the face. Natasha flinches slightly as she hears Clint yell “ow!” but she quickly returns to laughing. 

just outside, Clint Barton gets kicked in the nuts. he groans and lowers to the ground. “okay, okay.. mercy.” Maria’s hands return to her hips. 

Natasha has sneaked to the bathroom and pulled a bucket filled with water from the cabinets under the sink. she gets back to the bedroom puts the bucket on the door with help from a stool, then slides back under the covers. she quietly snickers. this one is a classic, but that doesn’t mean she won’t enjoy it. 

her fiancée opens the door moments later, already having opened her mouth in an outburst but she’s cut off when both the bucket and the water land on her head. Natasha starts laughing again. Maria yelps in surprise and freezes. 

Natasha fetches a towel and throws it at her.

the brunette catches it with a mischievous smirk. Natasha, who decides she doesn’t like that smirk, only has a few seconds to curl up in a ball and make a sound in protestbefore she’s wrapped in a soaking wet hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> e-mail me! SavageDemonDog@hotmail.com
> 
> you can also find me on Tumblr: savagedemondog
> 
> and once again happy new year!!


	29. Great but poorly executed prompts-pt...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 29, in which:
> 
> -there’s no Wi-Fi.  
> -but Maria has Wi-Fi  
> -I make a poor attempt to come up with more funny texts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t updated shit for nearly two weeks?? What???!!
> 
> Trust me, it’s weird for me too but I’ve been working on my Femslash February drabbles because if I don’t then I’m never gonna be able to post one everyday:)
> 
> Anyway, as always, yell at me through mail or scream at me on tumblr.
> 
> (SavageDemonDog@hotmail.com)
> 
> (savagedemondog)

“What the hell,” Nat breathes as everything around them powers down. The lights flicker off and the tv jumps over to a black screen with white letters explaining there’s no Wi-Fi connection. “I thought this was impossible.”

“It was.” Tony answers, looking just as surprised as the rest of the team. “Someone’s been messing with the back-ups. Well, make yourselves comfortable, people. This is gonna take a while.” 

Bruce followed him out of the living room as Nat, Steve and Clint settled back on the couch. Thor took one of the soft chairs in the corner. 

“So, what are we gonna do?” Nat asks, propping her feet up using Steve’s legs just because. the soldier shook his head.

“Oh! We can play truth or dare.”

“Nope.”

“Kiss, marry, kill?”

“No.”

“Never have I ever?”

“Nah.”

“I spy with my little eye?”

“I’m sure we have a few boardgames in the closet.” Natasha settles on, grinning at her friend’s disappointment. The truth was, she wasn’t really in the mood for a drinking game or anything near it. The answers and questions would only bore her. Besides, she’d rather stay sober because she was gonna need it.

They were halfway through a game of Monopoly when Tony returned, spreading his arms dramatically and sighing. “Well, it looks like it’ll take a while before were back online, but fear not, I will do anything to save your lives and I will succeed,because I..” he took a dramatic pause for effect. “Am Ironman.”

The next thirty minutes or so were filled with a long, long and dramatic speech by Tony. They really had become desperate now. Clint and Nat had tried checking their phone multiple times just to escape The Audacity Of Tony Stark (trademark) for a little bit. Nat had also retrieved a brand new and expensive bottle of booze from the cabin, because there’s a limit of how much Tony Stark you can handle when sober.

It got a lot better when her girlfriend walked into the room. Apparently, Maria had still been in the building at the time of the power outage. “Troubles?” She asked, ignoring and interrupting Tony.

At that moment, all of their phones made a bleeping sound. Bruce had gotten the Wi-Fi back online, at least.

“yeah, how could you not have noticed?“

“my iPad is connected to S.H.I.E.L.D.’s Wi-Fi network.” Maria explained, and Tony gawks at her.

Nat had curled herself up to a ball, staring at her phone.the capuchon of her hoodie was pulled over her hair and head and she didn’t pay attention to anything going on in the room until Maria urged Steve to scoot and took place next to her.

Without saying a word, Natasha moved and curled herself up against her girlfriend’s side. Clint had mastered the remote control and was trying to find the one show he had wanted to see. Tony had left the room to help Bruce and Thor and Steve were chatting loudly, so loud it began to annoy Clint who slapped Steve’s shoulder.

Not much later, the lights flickered n again and the Tower was back into working again. The members of the team gathered in the living room collectively flinched away. (Clint with a dramatic: “Ow! Sunlight! It hurts!“)

After blinking a few times, Natasha’s eyes were perfectly adjusted to the light and she moved her arm a little bit to show Maria a meme she’d found on Twitter. The brunette laughs, and Nat laughs at that, and the world seemed perfectly forgettable at the moment.

—————-

_ Natasha: hey hru? _

_ Maria: fine, hru? _

_Natasha: ...._

_Natasha: fine_

_Maria: omg what did you do?_

_Natasha: nothing_

_Natasha: why do you always assume I did something? I have a bunch of mental health issues that have me thinking deeply about whether I’m fine or not too, you know?_

_Maria: ... _

_Maria: that’s really sad._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick update:
> 
> -I’m currently halfway through chapter 5 of She Lived For Love And Love Lived For Her  
> -not sure if I’m going to cancel Blackhill: dating a-z or not  
> -I’m making progress on the femslash February drabbles:)
> 
> Tumblr: savagedemondog  
> Mail: SavageDemonDog@hotmail.com
> 
> I also have a Instagram and a TikTok but there’s really nothing interesting there so,,
> 
> Thanks for reading and I hope you have a lovely day/night:)


	30. Goldie and Fishy-pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i have uploaded this story once before in a separate post but after a night or so i took it down because i didn’t like how it turned out. after a lot of thinking and more than one once-over i reminded myself that this was mainly written for educational purposes, so fuck it, l’ll upload it again.
> 
> sorry for the people who expected new content but i have a pt. 2 of this in the making.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!
> 
> welcome back once again, i’m surprised ur sticking around but you don’t hear me complaining;’)
> 
> e-mail me: SavageDemonDog@hotmail.com 
> 
> or hit me up on tumblr: savagedemondog

Natasha drops her bag onto an invisible chair next to the door and gropes for the light switch. it's been a while since she's been in this apartment, two years to be exact. it is her permanent home for the holidays at Stark Tower, and this year Tony couldn't resist turning it into something spectacular again. this becomes clear when the light comes on with a loud click and the room is suddenly lit up by some three thousand flickering party lights, flashing in different patterns and colors. in the corner of the room is a two meter high Christmas tree, decorated with customized baubles with the faces of the Avengers on it. Natasha makes an amused noise when her eye falls on Tony's Christmas bauble face. a Santa hat has been edited on his head, and his tongue sticks out a bit as if he was tasting something nasty. a Christmas stocking with her name on it hangs on the fireplace. she reaches in and finds a note.

“I got you potato chips, but you'll need to work for them first. the pattern of the lights is a code, you might wanna figure it out.

-T ”

Natasha crumples the note in her hand and stares at the lights. Damnit, Tony knew how much she wanted chips after an 11 hour flight from Budapest.

it takes a while, but eventually, using Tony’s very complicated code, she finds the bag of chips in the bottom kitchen cupboard. it's such a logical place, and she wants to slap herself. of course Tony would do something like that. she looks at the clock. she has about two hours to herself until she is expected in the living room of Stark Tower for the traditional Christmas dinner. enough time to find out how her huge flat screen TV works.

two hours and an episode of Grey's Anatomy later, Natasha is all set to go. she has curled her hair and put on a red cocktail dress with a deep v-neck and spaghetti straps and put on a subtle layer of make-up. the presents she has brought for everyone from Budapest are neatly packed in her bag. she checks everything again to make sure she hasn't forgotten anyone.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Natasha’s present list:

Steve: Captain America Pajamas she found in a cute little gift store in Budapest  
Tony: none, he’s been a dork all year.  
Clint: a new pair of warm, black gloves and a arrow-shaped keychain so he won’t accidentally grab her keys again.  
Pepper: the usual coupons from her favorite stores.  
Bruce: a sweater with “world’s okayest scientist”.  
Sam, Rhodey and Thor: a funko pop figure of themselves and a few smaller trinkets to make it seem like she had actually known what to get them.  
Wanda: rose gold earrings with small ruby’s  
Maria: perfume

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

yup, Maria was coming too, and it had been one hell to find a present for her. luckily, Natasha had an excellent taste in perfume. 

she made her way down the hallways, walking as fast as possible on 3 inch stilettos. the common room was about two levels below her apartment, and the elevator was, once again, stuck. when she arrived, everyone is already seated around the long table. Tony is the first to notice her. “ah, look who decided to grace us with her presence.”

“shut up, Stark.” she growls softly, taking place next to Clint.

“Christmas thoughts, Natasha!” Sam shouted from the other end of the table. 

“i’m thankful for my ability to kick Stark’s ass and i wish that Tony gets kidnapped and tortured by Kree.” she answers.

“that’s Thanksgiving.” Clint says. Natasha rolls her eyes.

Tony asks for everyone’s attention.

“before we begin eating, let’s do the presents. first, everyone’s presents for me.”  
Stark gains his presents from everyone but Natasha (yeah, that caused a scene) and they move on to Rhodey, who is seated next to Tony. Natasha sits it all out until it’s her turn, and Steve shoves a big present her way. “this is from us all, Merry Christmas, Nat!”

Natasha slowly peels the paper off and reveals a small fishbowl containing two goldfish-one red and white with a hint of orange and the other classic  
orange-gold-gravel and a plant. Natasha stares at it wide-eyed. Maria, next to her, looks just as surprised. 

“that’s not how you take care of goldfish!” she sputters. Stark raises an eyebrow.

Maria picks up the bowl to remove the rest of the paper. 

“goldfish need proper filtration, and at least a 50 gallon tank.” she points out, grabbing Natasha by the wrist and dragging her outside. 

“what are we going to do?” asks a perplexed Natasha.

“buy the proper stuff.” comes the answer.

they find a local petshop, pick out a nice big fish tank, a filter, water conditioner, water test strips and some other care stuff and manage to drag everything all the way back to Natasha’s apartment, in Stark Tower. after the huge tank is filled, the filter and lights are working and the water conditioner is added, they walk back to the common room, where they find Steve, Clint and Tony staring at the goldfish. a determined Maria picks up the bowl and the rest follow her.

“whoa! how big are these fish gonna get that they need a tank this big?” Tony asks.

“30 centimeters.” Maria answers, placing the bowl on the counter.

“shouldn’t we be adding the fish to the tank?” Sam asks.

“Nope.” Maria says, popping the ‘p’. “the tank needs to cycle for four weeks first.”

“what?” 

“the tank needs to be prepared for the goldfish to live in, there need to be good bacteria in the filter and everything needs to be cleaned properly to make sure the tank doesn’t contain any harmful substances. the tank water needs to be tested aswell to make sure the nitrite, nitrate, pH and ammonia levels are good enough.” she explains, grabbing a few of the big rocks she bought in the petshop and placing them carefully on the sand they’re using as substrate. 

“Natasha, would you mind taking care of the waterplants?”

Natasha takes a few small plastic bags and pulls them apart with her nails, freeing the waterplants from their dry prison. she positiones them in the tank and takes a step back to admire the result. her arms are cold and wet, and she hurries to grab a towel to dry them while Maria is still talking to the boys. 

“so, this should be good for now. but never, ever, buy someone a pet without their permission and educating yourself and them first.”

Natasha comes back into the room. “it’s fine now. i’ve decided to name them Goldie and Fishy. Maria, how much do i owe you for the stuff?” she gestures to the tank.

“nah, it’s fine.” Maria waves her away. “just promise me you won’t let Tony take care of them when you’re on vacations.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> of course thats exactly what happens next. 
> 
> the appearances of the goldfish are based on my own goldfish’s, Ben&Jerry
> 
> e-mail me! SavageDemonDog@hotmail.com
> 
> i have a few requests in the making;
> 
> -a snippet based on Dancing With Your Ghost by Sasha Sloan  
> -a break-up thing (was requested twice, actually. why do you guys torture me?)  
> -aaaand a fic based around Liho.
> 
> but you’re always welcome to request more:)


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